It's not about you stupid

Recently in the Briefing (A Matthias media monthly magazine) there was a story about someone complaining about something in the church (forgive me for my lack of exact details I can't find the edition right now but you will get the gist!) and the response from the pastor was "It's not about you stupid" Who knows if this story is an urban myth but it's message is a timely one.

When we look at the church (and when I talk about church I am talking about anything related to the community: bible studies, one-to-one dicsipleship, fellowship) why is that our thoughts are - what can church do for me today?, rather than, what can I do for the church today? I think (and therefore am putting myself out here) if we were to think the later, lots of our issues with the church would cease. Let me give some examples that relate to Women's ministry (but not only).
If you are not happy in your bible study group, why?
Is it because the bible is not being studied? Then have a friendly quiet chat with the leader and make suggestions on how this can happen more and how you can help the situation. The same goes if the prayer time in your group is not going so well, be the one to model it! Make suggestions to the leader about things that have been helpful to you and then you may be given the chance to share that with the group.
Unfortunately, in my experience these are not the reasons why women are unhappy about their groups. It has more to do with the people in the group. Some of the stuff I have heard over time are:
"I am trying to find one where I fit in", "The other group has more fun", "I am just not ready to give of myself", "Some people in my group are just down right annoying", "There are two women in my group who are good friends and they don't include me"

Now, don't get me wrong I am a female too and friendships and fitting in are really tricky things aren't they. But is this why we meet over God's word and encourage each other? Is it really about me? The answer, of course is no. Church is about God, Jesus and loving His community, it's not about having my needs meet, about finding the exact 'fit' for a group (is this even a remote possibility?) or not being willing to give of ourselves.
- There are reasons why we are not willing to give of ourselves, but these are usually not about the group, per sue. And these are things that will need to be dealt with.

So, next time you come across a situation where you are not totally comfortable in the church community - ask yourself
How have I contributed to this situation? (we always contribute, be it small or large)
If we were in a perfect world how would I think this group should function? How can I change my behaviour to work towards this?
If there are women whom you are interested in getting to know better, go for it! Create opportunities for you both to spend time outside the group together, find out what interests you share, I don't know many women who would not be interested in making new friends.
If people are annoying you - pray! Pray that God will change your thought patterns, when they annoy you pray for their marriage, when they discuss a topic that you are not interested in - pray that you will be.
More importantly pray that you will love the women in your community with the love that Christ has shown you on the cross.
"Now you are the body of Christ and each one of you is a part of it" 1 Corinthians 12:27